Christmas in Brocket

Christmastime is upon us once again in the teepees on the outskirts of Brocket. As the young bucks and squaws lay their heads to sleep, Santa Lenny is partying around town spreading his Christmas cheer with Rosie, Stella, Beverly, and Pauline on the mean streets on downtown Edmonton. Elsewhere in Lethbridge, Ask Lenard is getting in a knife fight with Johnny no Fingers as snow dances to the ground below. In Brocket, Elvis Meatface is getting ready to leave the bar as it is closing time. Yes, there are no real bars in Brocket, but this illegal bar in Freddy’s basement serves until 4 in the morning. In the heavens, our good friend Ernie Scar is looking at us below and seems to see all on the Brocket Christmas Night. For one night a year, Ernie Scar can leave the spirit world and enter the earthly world. Ernie Scar first stops at the local liquor store in Pincher Creek and gets a couple 40 oz bottles of Old English beer. Ernie doesn’t have any money so he turns invisible and sneaks the two bottles past the cashier.

Ernie Scar is coming to Earth on Christmas. Click for his Christmas Show!

As it is Christmas Eve, and Santa is nervous going into Brocket and the rougher areas of Lethbridge and surrounding towns, Ernie is tasked with making sure the Christmas spirit of joy and happiness is spread throughout Southern Alberta, thanks in part to that bottle of Southern Comfort Ernie has in his coat pocket. Every glass Ernie touches becomes full, every bottle Ernie touches becomes full also, so all the bars licensed and illegal(like in Freddy’s basement) seem to never run out of alcohol, pickled eggs, and popcorn. All the drunkards, bums, and hobos know the legend of Ernie Scar, so they raise their bottles into the air and give a toast to this kind spirit.

As Santa dodges the bullets flying into the sky above Hobbema, Ernie is down below dropping off that stolen beer truck, so the reserve is not dry tonight. The gang members thank Ernie as they reload and drink their TNT beers. Even some of the female native gang members give Ernie hugs and kisses, because Ernie through his magic has also delivered a truck full of cigarettes.

Christmas Eve is full of the magic and wonder that is Ernie Scar. But time is counting down. It is late, and Ernie must now return to the spirit world. Ernie ascends up and up, higher and higher until he meets the crest of the night sky and returns to the spirit world once again.

So in keeping with Ernie Scar’s Christmas Spirit, if you are partying on Christmas Eve, buy a stranger a drink at the bar, give free cans of TNT to the people you meet, give free cigarettes to that guy hanging outside of the convenience store, and if you are at a house party, make sure everyone has a full glass of booze. This is Christmas!

Have a Merry Christmas and let the spirit of Ernie Scar fill your heart.

 

Radio Waves is proud to present a Christmas Radio Show dedicated to our good friend Ernie Scar (1961-2011):

http://brocket99.net/radiowaves0014.htm

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